My memories of Granny

My memory of Granny........
i was the eldest grandchilren and Granny had doted on me .. till 2 years later when my brother came along.. wah la.....he became the favourite grandchild as Granny still has the old thinking of sons are better than daughters..
I recalled being made to share things with brother.. i recalled Granny made Milo bread for brother and i have to argue with her for a share . eventually i learn how to make my own Milo bread ( i called it Milo biscuit. by compressing a sandwich of Milo bread till they are very flat.. it became much chewy).. i remember Granny scolding because we did not cover the big tin of milo properly..

i remember Granny holding my hands and walking along the road alongside the rochor canal behind Selegie house.. thats where i had stepped on her slipper and caused her to fall and broke her arm.. i remembered i panicked and was crying while Granny was trying her best to console me even though she must have in pain. .

I remember Granny bringing me & brother and uncle & father & GuGu all to this old apartment on sun morning for cleaning.. ikt was located on a small slope behind Peace Center ..her friend is the caretaker of the apartment and we are in charge of cleaning the corridor and stairs during the weekend. I remember it was the highlight of my life then.. we would bring brooms and cloth to the top of the stairs ( i remember it was less than 10 storey and the stairs were partial spiral). i remember it was so much fun.. washing all the way to the 1st floor.. it was like a water play.. uncle or father will hold the hose and spray the waters...and sometime after that .. we would get to go to this small playground where there is a swing.

I remember waking up everyday to a cup of milo before going to school.. me, brother & sister were all treated to a cup of milo...its a must before we go school as we dont usually eat breakfast..

I remember Granny cooking porridge every day for lunch with her signature dishes of pork and stir fry vege.. all in soya sauce when i was schooling. Father was driving taxi at that time.. Granny will always scoop a big bowl of porridge once it was cooked, add a raw egg to it and pile on more porridge and quickly cover it.. This is Father's every day lunch. That was Granny's way of showing love to Father.. to everyone.. ensuring that we are all fully fed and are not hungry.

I remember calling Granny more often than calling my parents when i was studying in Australia..i remember her telling me to be good to my mother in law.. i remember she telling me how to take care of myself when she learnt that i was pregnant with Jonas.. i remember being almost on the phone with her every day when i was in the office .. i remember she telling Mother to cook Pig Stomach Soup for me after i gave birth to Jonas.. i remember she prepared the thinly sliced ginger for me to mixed in water and drink during confinement.. she had spent a lot of time to slice it into thin shreds.. i recalled she even told me that she had learnt to use the mircowave to baked it dry and it is much faster than putting it out to sun

i remember calling Granny to complain about how diffcult it was to look after Jonas and i recalled she was telling me that i was worst.. i will stick to her like glue when i was young and how she could not even go to watch opera in peace without Father having to bring me to look for her in the middle of the show.

i remember all these small small incidents... but somehow.. somewhere... i began to draw further away from her... i began to call her less often.. it all started when she started having dementia.. when she started to change.. when i became the bad granddaughter that wanted to send her to old folks home.. i was so hurt.. so much so that i stopped calling her.. so much so that i withdrew from her..so much so that i became more impatient with her.. i raised my voice at her. i cannot accept it.. i cannot accept the Granny that always chatted with me had became like this.. much as i told myself.. i cant treat her this way.. i still end up losing my temper at her.. i still end up pushing her away..

There is nothing that i can do now.. i deserve it ..was what i had told myself... when Siong grandma passed away.. Siong had told me that i must not have regrets.. that i must treasure the loved ones around me while i can.. and yet i am still having regrets...I did not learn...
Humans are like that i guess.. we will only learn how to treasure when it is too late..

Granny.. i will miss you.. thank you for bringing me up.. thank you for everything..